It was kind of a roller coaster weekend for me. I wanted to take Ruben out to Saguaro Ranch Park (aka. the Peacock Park) to give him some more practice with the camera. So we went. He got a couple of shots that turned out, but struggled with motion blur while trying to chase down those birds, so these were his best shots of the day.
We wandered around a small part of the park, but he got skittish about “all the people” (there was a wedding party doing photographs and as more of them kept arriving he didn’t want to stick around). And to be honest, I couldn’t walk very far. I was in a lot of pain before I knew it, and I wasn’t sure I would even make it back to the van.
I was very demoralized. I liked the photos I was able to capture…
… but I absolutely felt so defeated. You see, I had been mulling something for the last few days: namely, the pros, the cons, and all the factors involved in the possibility of hanging out my shingle as a portrait photographer. Even on the smallest of scales, this would of course be a very daunting prospect for someone with my physical and neuropsychological limitations. Nonetheless, I had been exploring the idea.
But then, to find myself smacked down so quickly and so hard with pain on a simple little photo walk really devastated me. I wasn’t just feeling a little low. I was finished.
I went home and sat dejectedly in front of my computer, doggedly entering every bit of my camera gear into the “sell my gear” page on KEH. It added up to a nice little sum. I figured I would divide it up amongst the kids and that would be the end of that.
My husband looked at what I was doing and said, honey, maybe you should go take a nap.
He wasn’t wrong. I did, and ended up sleeping till morning.
Next day was Sunday, with another afternoon at Grandma’s. Even though I had been sure I was done as a photographer, I brought my camera along for the day, almost out of habit. As the day wore on, I actually began to sense that the edge of the cliff was farther away than it had been…
I was feeling a little better on the drive home, and then I got a call from Laurent. She has a new singing gig, and needs to provide them with a headshot for programs, and asked if I might have time that afternoon to go do those? Did I have TIME? Shoot girl, for you I have all the time in the world.
Soon as I got home she bopped over, we chatted about what kind of poses she might want, I suggested oh, if only I had a stool! But she had one and we zipped to her place to get it on the way to our neighborhood park. It turns out, the best shots were ones where she was just sitting on the ground, I think.
Anyway, I absolutely LOVED taking these, and discovered that I can do this kind of shoot rather quickly, within my pain-free window. Something to factor in as I continue pondering my future as a photographer.
The truth is, with or without the shingle, I will always do this for the love of making photos.
